It’s funny, tonight I went to the counselor who I first saw to sort my shit out and I talked to him about how at the moment – I’m doing a lot of reflecting, because to be honest the last year and a bit has been a real whirlwind.
But as well as reflecting and how I would love to talk to myself from 8 months ago, a year ago, two years ago, and 40 years ago – I also need to remember – I’ve got all this time to go.
I mentioned how I’ve struggled at times, and that this year has been a lot harder than last year – the new experiences – makeup, shaving my legs, trying to look good – have become more chores – don’t get me wrong – I love getting made up, but gee it would be nice to not have to wear it all along.
But gee, as much as I thought it would be hard – I still get to see progress – and forever learning, I am really proud that I can often sit back, and just look at the progress, and know the future is just getting better. Sure everything could go pear shape in life – but I will deal with that as me, not with the added burden of hiding who I was.
Tonight I saw two professionals – both declaring that I’ve made the transition to being female. And not just saying it – but I’ve got written proof! I have a couple more steps, one a long term goal – which is no secret surgery to fix the last piece of the puzzle. Short term – a goal which I have no control over, another that is a couple of months away – again which I have no control over, but each is really important to my progress.
What’s really important though – I just am so happy to be who I am, and as someone once told me – only worry about things you can control.
I can control the woman I am becoming – and damn I love her.