It’s a real interesting question, when really everyone will laugh and say I’m far from normal, but to be honest, I’m being quite serious.
Being openly transgender is a two edged sword – you can be you, you can be that girl you always knew you were, but then you’re dealing with the stares, and the comments that people have to say – and there are days where being stared at is not fun, and trying to use the techniques to combat them, can sometimes not work – and it’s hard.
Last Friday I went somewhere and I couldn’t wear my wig – and for the first time in a long time – I saw a guy. What’s worse, I didn’t get the stares, and I was able to relax and not have to keep up a guard – and for just those 3 hours – I felt safe.
And that is wrong.
I had a great time, but I also hated it – a lot, I wanted to be me, I wanted to be happy wearing a swimsuit – I didn’t want to hide, I wanted to relax as me, relax in a way that I never could before, fully as me. But a balding male body in a womans’ swimsuit is going to result in nothing but stares – and I’ll never truly be able to relax without covering up.
Sure it’s easy to say – don’t let the stares get to you, but that only goes so far, when you’re then worried about that one dickhead who is going to say something.
I wish I was normal, I wish I didn’t have dysphoria, I wish I just had normal hang ups like every other cis gender person. But I will never be normal.
The only thing is… I’ve never been normal.
I lived a life where people thought they knew me, they loved me, even though I could never truly love myself. I was then given an opportunity to change, and finally be me – and there are still people that love me – even though I’ve changed. I love who I am – challenges and all.
I won’t let this dysphoria beat me. One day I will swim in public, without my wig, without covering up and I won’t care what people think, I won’t care that they stare – and for now – knowing that is good enough. 2 years ago I could never of seen me being openly Laura – who knows where 2 more years will get me.