I’ve had a number of people question if I am ok, and it’s a really good question. Over the past month I’ve made a number of decisions that could point to that I’m not coping too well.
I’ve closed my instagram account, I’m not posting this publicly, basically – you will only see this if you look at my link – I’m not posting it on facebook or any community. And Facebook which has been a major part of my expression for the past 10 years, I’m trialing removing myself from Facebook, which is my last social media account.
I’m thinking part of my issue of why I’m struggling, is I am actually seeing what I’ve lost from transitioning. Before I use to have a lot of people who I talked with, and I feel with my continual trans posts – people have gotten sick of it. I see people who no longer like, or comment etc. I know it shouldn’t let that affect me, but the only way I can see if this is the case, is remove myself from it, to see if I get better.
I see people getting things I can only dream of – sure they’ve worked hard to get into a position to do that, but it’s only now, I can see I could of completed things I want to, if I had worked harder. It’s not regret – but if I no longer subject myself to seeing these posts – it has to help me right?
So yes – I’m not really ok – but that’s ok. I know I will ride through this – again with the people who have helped me get this far. I have to remember who the real me is, I’m finally not getting called the things that I’ve struggled with. I think I fulfilled my goal of showing a successful transition – now I can return to my life, away from the public, away from a world that I don’t feel comfortable in.
I will be ok – I know that.