A year ago this week was my first trip to Sydney, this was to record the I am here video that I have posted previously. It was at the time, and I guess in a way, the biggest challenge since I came out, with so many fears about going.
So how do I feel about the year since then. Was it worth it on a professional level, and private level?
Privately – it’s a double edge sword. I felt after it I could make a change by being loud, and actually found the opposite. A number of people don’t follow what I post – and that’s because they’re ok with me being trans – but they don’t want to be reminded. On the positive was the confidence it gave me, I had to overcome so many fears, that each further trip was easier. I miss some of the people, but I don’t miss the feeling that I was public property. The last few months I’ve struggled, that I’m not really that much an instrument of change, but now when I sit down – I’m glad to just be me again. I still advocate by just being me, but I’m not just going to go to LGBTIQ events because they’re there. They’re not aimed at people like me – they’re aimed at managers or higher. I’m finding that too many times, information is getting to managers, and not getting to the grass roots. To me what’s the point.
Professionally. It got me noticed, sure but not for the work I do, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve been in so many things when I heard there was a recognition award, I asked if it was for work or for being trans. I travelled 4 times for being trans, and i’ve yet to travel because I’m good at what I do. I don’t want to be treated as different, I want to get things based on my merits. So now pretty much any questions that are asked of me – I wonder are they asking me because of me, or being trans. I don’t want privileges based on my gender, I want to get recognition for the work I do.
I don’t regret anything I’ve done, I’ve loved doing them, don’t get me wrong, and I know I’ve made a difference, but just being me is enough.